It's a Poison Cup

I think if perhaps I told my mom what goes on in my life a little more often she wouldn't think I'm crazy or bipolar. If perhaps I was a little more honest and forward to her, then she wouldn't think that I just like to cry for the heck of it. And perhaps she would just be there to give me a little more insight. But then again, how can I explain a situation like this to her? How am I supposed to be like, well, mom the whole reason I've been like chronically sad for the past year or so is because I like the wrong guys. I don't just end up liking the wrong guys but I end up sticking around thinking it's all worth it in the end. She'll just think I'm dumb and well at this point so do I. Crying three times a week over someone is not my idea of happily ever after. But neither is giving up. So what do I do? Do I stick around in hopes that it all magically gets better one day or do I decide when enough is just a little too much? I don't know. That's all I know, I know that I don't know what to do in my life and what to do in a situation like this so therefore, I just do what I think is best.

What about a time machine for Christmas?

In the morning I had a "tada" moment. I realized that my life mainly revolves around me. That deep down inside I am an incredibly selfish person. That I would rather go to yoga or go workout or do whatever that pleases me instead of going out on a date. I would much rather further my relationship and love for myself instead of having to deal with a relationship with another person. Is this selfish or is this the right thing to do? Must we live in a life where we are destined to please other people before ourselves? I don't think so, but then again I fight odds and conformity. I reached out to my friend about this. I was thinking I was suffering from a mid mid-life crisis. 21 and selfish was the title for myself. Nicole told me that I was doing exactly what I should be doing in life; that I was doing what many women my age should be doing as well. I was living a life where I was trying to make myself happy and not let any guy get in between my happiness and my success in life. Call me selfish if you would like but I will simply tell you that I am happy. Just like that.