I’ll give you fish, I’ll give you candy, I’ll give you everything I have in my hand.

I feel like it's necessary that I give in a little peak about my family. Lately I feel as though I have just been constantly disappointing them or maybe they should have different expectations from me. 
My mom's youngest brother told me one time, "people don't disappoint you, it's the perceived expectations that you have in them that do". I always thought he was just a womanizer and a pessimist but now I believe he is right. If we have no expectations in other people then we can never be disappointed. Tragic but true. 
Last week  I attended a Buddhist meditation with my mom. At first I figured I go for the kicks and giggles, and when I was there I wanted to run! After about an hour of talking and meditating, I loved it. I plan on researching more on it and attending more classes. It's also nice to have my mom by my side for the first time in forever.
This brings in how I always expected my family to be more involved in what I liked. I always expected my dad to be the typical dad who gives my boyfriends a hard time and picks on them and reminds them how much I mean to him. I also always expected my mom to want to be more involved in my life, my school and my future. 
I'm 20. I am no longer a child and I can no longer have my family do what I always expected of them. I am bummed out about it from time to time but it's made me realize who I am and who my family is and why I love them. 
I have a tiny family which consists of my dad, mom and my brother. They are all who I see for Christmas, Thanksgiving and any other Holiday which may come around each year. Last time I saw my grandparents for Christmas was in 1999. That's a long time ago..... I was in the third grade.  


With all of this floating in my head I've realized that my itsy bitsy family has made me very happy. They expect me to be home more often and to be a person that I'm not. They budge and I give in some from time to time but we're getting to a good place. About like three years ago, if you asked me what I wanted in my future I would have told you that I wanted to marry a foreign guy and live far away where we could be happy and alone. Now I want to marry in the U.S. and I want a family here with cousins and family ties. I've realized you can't expect people to be what you want them to be, you just have to accept them as they are and if you truly don't care for them then when they "disappoint" you, you'll simply move on. It's the people who stick around that who are your family.  


Like in the movie The Professional, I want to "have roots".