When the world comes crashing down I will find you if you hide

hellloooooooo!!!! In the midst of arranging Bonnaroo, helping plan two parties, working five days a week and keeping a social life,I  I've disappeared for a bit. 
About two weeks ago was Sandra's birthday and then that weekend was her birthday party! yay!! The theme was rockstar and so we all dressed up for it. I was Angus Young, Sandra was Lady Gaga (jealous!!!), Amanda was Courtney Love, Jennifer was Katy Perry and Amber was Amy Winehouse. 
Thanks to Amanda, Jenn and myself we all made Sandra's cake! A pink/purple/white fondant cake with stars and an albino squirrel on it. I've never been so frustrated in my life but we managed at the end. I didn't get a full picture of it since I did not have a camera at the time, but you can trust in me when I say that it was really pretty and tasty. 
As the night progressed and the place continued to get more and more packed I realized that it doesn't really matter where you are or what you do, but what counts the most is who you're with. A party with my friends in Buda, Austin, or Tennessee is all the same to me because I'm surrounded by who makes me happy and who I love. For better for worse they stick around. I'm not saying it's always smiles and cheeriness, we argue and yell a lot but that's part of what growing up is. You can't fully love a person unless you've discovered the good and bad in them and still accept them. It's like my puppy. I love Dobie, and he bites people and growls at them and scares  ex boyfriends away but I still love him. Even when he's gone through 3 pairs of shoes. 


As the night ended for me and I was about to head back home Sandra, Amanda, Jennifer, myself and Amber were all saying goodbye and birthday girl was telling us how happy she was with how's life turned out and how we're all friends. Amber, Sandra's roommate, told me we both went to the same school and I automatically assumed it was my first high school. No...... we graduated together. I just never met her. I kinda liked it though. There are people who are so close to you in your life and your everyday routine and you never notice them, but when the time's right  that's when they stumble upon and you finally meet them and get to know them. If we would have met in high school I probably wouldn't have really talked to her. Senior year of high school was a blur and now I have my life put together. So tada! 


Same goes with Miss Sandra. If I would have actually been introduced to her like two years ago, I probably wouldn't have been given the opportunity or chance to actually get to know her and see what a great friend she could be and is. I met her through Amanda and the timing was perfect and even though she doesn't live near me, she's gotten to know me and vice versa.  You can't just sit around and mope about what you don't have in life; when it's supposed to happen and the timing is right, then it will happen. Kinda like true love. Those stories  you hear about people who magically met on a vacation trip and would have never, ever, EVER met if it wouldn't have been for that trip, well there you go. It was supposed to happen so it did happen. 


xoxoxoxoxoxo 

maybe you're gonna be the one to save me. after all, you're my wonderwall.

I should go to school. I should have babies. I should listen to my parents. I should be smaller. I should eat more. I should not be so picky. I should not speed. I should not lose my license for the 10th time this year. I should, I should, I should. 
I SHOULD SCREAM!!!! 


I feel that myself as a woman and a young adult I am constantly bombarded with "i shoulds". Whatever happened to "I want"? 


I would want to be happy. I would want to stay up all night and just blog and download more music. When I'm done with that I would want to wake up and run till my body gives in and then go to bed. These are more short-term goals. I feel that in our time in age we no longer know what we want in life. We are just continuously brain washed with what we "should" be doing that we forget what we wanted to begin with. 
So this is my shout out and scream for freedom to everybody who feels like this. Instead of being filled with a day of what we should be doing I suggest we all rebel against it and instead find what it is that we like and do it. No questions asked and don't over think what you're about to do. It takes away the adrenaline if you think it through for too long. 
If I want to sign up for a marathon and set myself up for it,then well I just did. I can't wait and I know this is what I want to do. 
I want to go to Ecuador in July and if I save up 800 bucks then guess what, I can't wait to see my family. 
Life isn't what we "should" be doing. It's about what we "want" to be doing in it. We should have never existed if it wouldn't have been for Eve and what she "wanted". So tada! a "want" led us to this beautiful life. So enjoy it!!! 

I’ll give you fish, I’ll give you candy, I’ll give you everything I have in my hand.

I feel like it's necessary that I give in a little peak about my family. Lately I feel as though I have just been constantly disappointing them or maybe they should have different expectations from me. 
My mom's youngest brother told me one time, "people don't disappoint you, it's the perceived expectations that you have in them that do". I always thought he was just a womanizer and a pessimist but now I believe he is right. If we have no expectations in other people then we can never be disappointed. Tragic but true. 
Last week  I attended a Buddhist meditation with my mom. At first I figured I go for the kicks and giggles, and when I was there I wanted to run! After about an hour of talking and meditating, I loved it. I plan on researching more on it and attending more classes. It's also nice to have my mom by my side for the first time in forever.
This brings in how I always expected my family to be more involved in what I liked. I always expected my dad to be the typical dad who gives my boyfriends a hard time and picks on them and reminds them how much I mean to him. I also always expected my mom to want to be more involved in my life, my school and my future. 
I'm 20. I am no longer a child and I can no longer have my family do what I always expected of them. I am bummed out about it from time to time but it's made me realize who I am and who my family is and why I love them. 
I have a tiny family which consists of my dad, mom and my brother. They are all who I see for Christmas, Thanksgiving and any other Holiday which may come around each year. Last time I saw my grandparents for Christmas was in 1999. That's a long time ago..... I was in the third grade.  


With all of this floating in my head I've realized that my itsy bitsy family has made me very happy. They expect me to be home more often and to be a person that I'm not. They budge and I give in some from time to time but we're getting to a good place. About like three years ago, if you asked me what I wanted in my future I would have told you that I wanted to marry a foreign guy and live far away where we could be happy and alone. Now I want to marry in the U.S. and I want a family here with cousins and family ties. I've realized you can't expect people to be what you want them to be, you just have to accept them as they are and if you truly don't care for them then when they "disappoint" you, you'll simply move on. It's the people who stick around that who are your family.  


Like in the movie The Professional, I want to "have roots". 

You Jump, I Jump.

So this thought has been racing through my mind lately. I have been meaning to blog but I have found myself drowning in responsibilities, essays, midterms, finals, work, and planning. I feel like that's all I do in my life. I just plan a lot. I feel like  Jennifer Lopez from The Wedding Planner except I don't have Matthew McConaughey or the Latina attitude.....Anywho, back to the point. 
So I've always been a sucker for thinking "what if?" I guess it's just that I always want to try something new or something different, or maybe it's just the fact that I easily get bored and I am in constant search of something to keep me on my toes.  
The other day I was thinking about people who stay in relationships even though they're not completely happy. Why? I don't know. I asked them and they couldn't give me a coherent response either. A few said things such as: 
"because I owe it to her" 
"I can't hurt her like that" 
"I have no one else to go to" 
"You just have to get through times like these" 
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. 


That's what I think about that. If you don't love her/him then end it. If you're not happy then end it. If you find yourself happier in someone else's arms then end it. 


I feel as though we are cultivated in this society where we focus so much on school and our futures and money that we forget what life is really about or what it should be about. 
It's about being HAPPY! Find a true love and hold on to it, if the sparks start to die well sometimes it's better to let go and start up another spark. 
Think about it. What's better, enjoying sitting by a fireplace with real wood and sparks flying everywhere or sitting in front of one of those modern-day electronic projected fireplaces? Of course, the modern one with the projected fire and wood may have a prettier image and may be safer. You won't run the risk of burning down your house, burning yourself, or catching anything on fire but what's life if not a risk? You need the real kind of fire. You need the fire that causes your heart to beat faster when you get up close and it may even scare you if you get too close. The first time you have found yourself close to fire it may even scare you but that goes away and all you're left with afterwards is a warm feeling inside and a memory worthwhile. It's a lot like true love and finding happiness. 


Nowadays many people get too comfortable with their routine and their lives and they get scared. They're scared of change and they're scared of leaving that comfortable warm feeling. Our society needs a little push, a reminder that sometimes you have to get out of your comfort zone in order to achieve the greatest happiness out there. 
"You are what I never knew I always wanted" 
This is my favorite quote of all time. It's from the movie Fools Rush In. If you haven't seen it, I strongly suggest you do. 


It describes what I think about life. Of course you may be "okay" or "just fine" with your life now but maybe if you gave it a little shot or took a little risk you may find what you've always wanted in your life and never knew before. It's a scary thought to grasp onto but it's the truth. Don't settle in your life for anything else than the best. I'm not saying life is just one big staircase and all you do is go up until you reach the highest point. Life is more like wake boarding. When you first start out it's hard to get up and stay up, after a few good falls you manage to find a perfect balance where you feel stable and you feel safe; you get bored with this routine and seeing the same view of the boat in front of you so you decide to take a risk and you do a little flip. If you're lucky you'll be a natural like Amber Wing and you'll land perfectly. If not, well then you just have to shake it off and decide if you want to stay in the comfort zone of just cruising behind a boat or if you want to try another flip and maybe this time it won't hurt as much. 


Get out of your rut and give it a shot. You might just find in  your arms what you never knew you always wanted. 


xoxo <3

Meet Ashton. The girl who always sticks around for the hard times<3
She knows a thing or two about always finding what's best for her happiness! 

All Good Things Must Pass.

Yesterday was warm and sunny. Today it started off like that and the day progressed on to being cold and windy. It made me feel funnies. I don't know why but windy, cloudy days always make me sad. They remind me of Fort Worth and I still get knots and ties in my stomach at the thought of it. I guess some things just never get fixed. Then again, my mood goes up and down without warning so that may be a more reasonable explanation behind it. Whatever it may be today led me to drink lots of coffee and go on a smoking binge. 

Black coffee is delicious if the weather is right and today it was perfect for the occasion. It's a blessing and a curse that I work in a coffee shop. I pity the poor souls who cannot give it up and are addicted to their white mochas. 

But then again on days like these, I pity myself for the thoughts that have haunted me for almost a year. As much as I tell everyone that I want to be by myself and travel the world and learn everything I can; at the same time I want to wake up next to the person that I love and have that person by my side for when life gets tough and when life is really good. Surprises make my heart happy and memories of going home blindfolded to a candle-lit house with Al Green playing throughout the house make me melancholy. But as my good friend Antonio says,

ALL THINGS MUST PASS. 

Good and bad, it all comes to an end. 

My first trip to fort worth. It was cold and windy. Go figure. 

Now DAMN YOU Elton John, four cups of Verona Coffee, cold weather and Adam Sandler in The Wedding Singer. 

NO I WILL NOT GROW OLD WITH YOU. That song is lame anyway. 

Here's the playlist that has prevented me from writing my 15 page paper on my philosophical view over abortion. 

*Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me- Elton John 

*Fast Car- Tracey Chapman 

*Still haven't found what I'm looking for- Buena Vista Social Club 

*Secret- One Republic 

*Life by the Drop- Stevie Ray (aka hubbbyy) 

*Wild World- Cat Stevens 

*Somebody's Baby- Jackson Browne

*Never Gonna Give You Up- Black Keys 

*Slow Dance- John Legend 

*Ausensia- Willie Colon 

*Stop This Train- John Mayer 

*Assassin- John Mayer 

He's got my heart. 

Best John Mayer line for tonight: 

"See once in a while when it's good

It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark.

Singing stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take this speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train"

Now I'll go listen to Stravinsky to make my heart happy before I go to bed. xoxo

Pease and Pretty in Pink

Yesterday was Eeyore's Birthday! Happy birthday old friend! Eeyore was always my favorite character from Winnie the Pooh. I tend to be described as the happy, bubbly child but I feel like I'm actually quite angry and depressed most of the time. I'll never know. I think one thing and the world says another. Well Eeyore is a chronically depressed donkey. That's my kind of friend! Enough on my own mental issues and battles and more on Eeyore. It was the 47th annual festival in his honor! Yippie! Hippies, body painting, nudity and lots of love to be passed around. LOTS and LOTS of love for everyone.

His birthday party takes place in Pease Park which also has a huge significance for all those longhorns out there. Pease park is a reminder to every little burnt-orange buddy  out there that as much as you may try to be a well-educated member of society deep down you know that you're a smelly, loving, tree-hugging hippie who loves UT and all of its funk that goes behind it. 

Pretty in Pink and Jenn. 

Eeyore's long lost brother! 

Tigger? 

This is my kinda man. Straight forward and to the point. 

I LOVE LOVE LOVE Austin<3<3<3

I was completely fighting everyone with my attire. I was wearing combat boots, high-waist shorts and a long-sleeved shirt. Take it that I had class that morning at 9AM and had not stopped to change. If it were up to me I would have worn a dress, put in some more braids in my hair and gotten body paintings all over. Unfortunately that was not the case so I had to settle for some feathers which the three of us got for 5 bucks. SCORE! and a Henna tattoo which has just inspired me to get an actual tattoo on my neck. I think it looks beautiful. Well it did while it was still visible now it's just fading away. 

The bus ride to the garage made me think a little bit about my hometown. What exactly is Austin? How does one define Austin? I define it as the place where I grew up and love. It's the place where I can wear a red top which has an open back and it's just held in place by a big gold safety pin. I took that top to Fort Worth and I'm certain the sweet old man at the Shamrock was about to hang me and drag me around the town. Ouch.... 

So what's it to you? Better yet, what is your favorite part about Austin? Is it the live music, the long horns, the Stevie Ray Statue (also the perfect man for me), Lake Travis or the eclectic scene and warm atmosphere and tingle in your tummy that you get when you know you're in good ol' Austin Texas? Whatever it may be, I love Austin and I would never leave it unless I was offered a job up in Seattle. Then I might have to take a leave of  absence. Until then, Austin Texas and all of the smelly hippies that come from it hold my heart very tight. 

xoxoxo 

I almost forgot! On the bus there was this Asian man who looked like he was having the time of his life. He made me smile. While we filmed the bus ride back I was reminded of a video I saw a long time ago. It's a pretty popular video but it gets me every time. Enjoy! Originality make the world go round and round and round! 

Link BELOW!!! 

Chinese Backstreet Boys - That Way