How does it feel to know that I love you?

Today is my grandpa's birthday. He turned 83 years old and as happy as that may make me it doesn't spark any sort of interest me. It's more of like "oh yay! tell him I said have a good one...." I understand he is my grandpa but he is more of a stranger than anything. I feel like I would be more compelled and driven to buy my boss a present for her birthday. It sounds selfish but I hardly know him. He's 83 years old and I have seen him a total of like 10 times my whole life. I never had the normal family where we all got together on birthdays, Christmases or Easter. It's always been mom, dad, David and myself. I feel like a complete bitch for saying this but it is true. When we go back to Ecuador to visit them I try as hard as possible to not be left alone with any family member other than like my cousins or my uncle Santiago. Everyone else makes me feel uncomfortable and as though I am with a stranger but I'm not. But that is what they are. They are my kin and my family but they are also strangers to me. I don't think it's fair. I know that when I get married and such I would want to include them but I don't think they deserve that. I have a family filled with aunts, uncles, cousins and babies but they do not belong to me.
When my parents decided that David and I should grow up in the U.S instead of Ecuador they did it for our own good but they kind of ruined the organic way of growing up. As I got older I realized that I never had anyone other than them. It made me grow closer to them but I don't know what it is like to have a grandparent or aunt/uncle to go to when my parents won't listen to me. I don't know what it is like to have a family dinner that consists of more than 4 people and I wish I did.

Freezing in Quito

Take 1

Take 2

As I was at dinner today I realized that I want my children to have that. I want to be able to tell them "let's go to grandma's for dinner" I don't want to have to plan 6 months in advance and fly 3000 miles to get to grandmas house only to find a stranger. I find it hard to be emotionally attached or to emotionally relate to someone who was never there for me when I was growing up. I know the circumstances made it that way but those same circumstances are what make me who I am now. If it weren't for the fact that we moved to the U.S. to grow up I would probably be living in Ecuador and married. I would have never been able to go to a pretty University or to travel to all the countries I have been to with my parents. I guess you can say I sacrificed my past and my heritage just to make a better future for myself. I love Ecuador with all my heart and I will always refer to it as home. But all those family members living there are nothing more than a bunch of people who are really happy to see me for 2 weeks every year or so. I love them because I feel like I should but they really aren't mine. The only family members that I think will be in my life till I die are my little cousins. I am in the midst of getting them visas so they can come visit me here. They always call me and I love them for how hard they attempt to be in my life.

Take 3:)